“i should have known better than to fall in love with you. you told me about your heart.
told me it was cold,
relentless,
broken. but i just smiled at you and told you i could fix it. now everything is over and i’m the only one who needs fixing.”
I will have a lover that values my heart. Someone who takes their time to understand me and is patient with me. Someone who is consistent, open-minded and loving. I will have a lover that makes me feel safe. Someone that makes me feel like home every time I am around them or talking to them. Someone that I can connect souls with. I will have a lover that values me.
When you finally find someone who understands your anxiety, depression, and how the way you think effects your outlook on life. But doesn’t misconstruct that outlook as: complaining/negative/or attention-seeking. Because they understand how you mean everything. And they don’t passively write off your need to talk about your feelings. They understand that you’re low-key sensitive, and that is just part of the way you compartmentalize your emotions. They don’t “encourage” by using negative language towards you. Tell you that, you’re complaining, being negative, or whining, when expressing valid emotions or fears. That don’t use the excuse that “they’re just being honest” when you tell them that they are being mean to you. Instead they use better language to communicate with you. So that you understand that they care, but they want you to realize when you’re standing in your own way. However, they understand that like with everything else, you need to go through your process. So they encourage you and are patient with you. They understand that you’re doing your best in spite of yourself. When you finally meet someone who is there for you and builds you up in a way that is positive and honest. When you finally meet someone who knows how to be as gentle as possible in a non-hurtful manner. Someone who acknowledges your feelings as valid, but doesn’t enable the negativity you feel about yourself. Sometimes this person comes in the form of your significant other, your friend, or a family member. Sometimes this person is the person you become when you love yourself. Both internal and external relationships are important, but it’s okay if you only have one of those two things right now. You’ll work out the other.
